I Know There’s an Answer…

16 Jun

Problem: Bad music. It’s effecting our children, our families, our community and we must seek protection.

Scenario (based on a true story): You’re at work in a retail shop. Music is playing over the speakers so there’s no awkward silence when you say “hello, how are you?” to a customer, they reply “good, how are you?”, and instead of just saying “fine, thanks” you ask how they are again as an automatic response. Rookie mistake. Anyway, back to the music. It’s playing, you’re inner-jamming and musing about how funny it is that The Smiths, “Like a G6”, and Rod Stewart are in the same mix when it happens. Rod Stewart orders a coup and seizes the playlist. You enter adult contempo hell. His army includes (but is not limited to) Mariah, Celine, and of course good ol’ Barry Manilow. Wait, no, not good ol’ Barry- bad Barry! Bad, bad Barry- and his little dog too!

Side effects of long-term exposure: itchiness, headaches, dizziness, and in some cases bleeding of the ears. It’s basically like on “LOST” when the button wasn’t pressed and a white light went off, only without the scenic views and polar bears. Since I was a mere employee I couldn’t dare switch songs, so I had to channel all my exasperation into organizing a shelf as angrily as possible. That that, mannequin- you’re lucky you don’t have functioning ear drums and are spared this madness.

As a side note, for the record I would like to state that I am not hyperbolizing my reaction to adult contempo over-exposure or blowing it out of proportion. If I am to work somewhere, forget healthcare or a rodent-free environment, I want my classic rock!

Solution: Being the productive soul I am, I channeled all this emotion into a brainstorming session, and came up with a winner. SUNBLOCK FOR EARS. But instead of blocking harmful UVA/B rays, they’d block unpleasant sounds. I can handle a little bit of “Margaritaville” exposure, but after a few hours I feel like I’m getting burned to a crisp! If I could just rub a little bit of SoundScreen (name patent pending) on, a happy medium could be reached.

Million dollar idea, achieved.

Currently listening to: The “Parks and Recreation” theme song, I’ve been having a marathon today

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